


as for me, i still believe

by speakingincode



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (multiple times!!!), Childhood Friends, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Sharing a Bed, buzzfeed unsolved au, literally the most fluff and banter i have ever written in my life, mild horror elements (see inside for detailed warnings), tsukishima is whipped for yamaguchi: the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:59:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27158297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speakingincode/pseuds/speakingincode
Summary: When the co-host of his paranormal investigation show quits right before the season finale, Yamaguchi turns to his best friend.Tsukishima, an accounting major who does not and has never believed in ghosts, is certain he isn't the right person for the job. But when it comes to Yamaguchi, he still hasn't figured out how to say no.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 35
Kudos: 218





	as for me, i still believe

**Author's Note:**

> this is a belated birthday gift to [liah](https://twitter.com/kristalijah), QUEEN of the WORLD. please go send her and her art love because she deserves that and the entire world (which is hers). specifically, she drew a [tkym buzzfeed unsolved au](https://twitter.com/kristalijah/status/1299591295250436096?s=19) that helped inspire this fic (alongside a couple of our conversations), so please go send that one love especially :''')
> 
> to date, i've seen exactly four episodes of buzzfeed unsolved (in order: dauphine, queen mary, lizzie borden, and annabelle) so quick thanks to [penny](https://twitter.com/pennu_art) for being my bfu lore consultant!  
> title is from the front bottoms song [sexy and alive (give an inch)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqD4XFwu6bc).
> 
> PLEASE NOTE: this fic contains mild horror elements that are about as severe as those in a regular episode of buzzfeed unsolved: supernatural. if this concerns you, please skip to end notes for a detailed list of possible triggers!
> 
> this fic is different from what i usually write, but i had a lot of fun writing it, so i hope you can enjoy it! 💚

When Kei gets to the restaurant, Yamaguchi is holed up in a corner booth and there’s already a mug of coffee and a slice of shortcake waiting on Kei’s side of the table. Bad omen, he thinks.

“Hey, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi calls when he meets his eyes, waving his hands wildly like the family restaurant they’re meeting at isn’t a shoebox.

“You didn’t need to buy me anything,” Kei says as he slides into the bench, even though he knows this level of thought isn’t usually one-hundred percent charitable when it’s from Yamaguchi. The coffee Kei could understand, but the shortcake… Yamaguchi is so transparent that it’s no wonder he’s so obsessed with ghosts.

“I wanted to,” Yamaguchi says, shooting Kei the annoying kind of smile that takes up half his face.

Kei looks away from him then, turns his attention to his coffee, adds milk and sugar until it turns a pleasant shade of beige. “How was the trip back from Tokyo?”

“Long,” Yamaguchi says, scrunching up his face as he bites into a french fry. “But I got to sleep on the train! It was nice after being up all night. I don’t think my sleeping schedule’s ever been this off.”

 _You’re happy, though._ Kei doesn’t say it because it’s a strange thing to say, but it’s true. He is happy. Kei knows because he’s seen every episode to date, watches them on his phone before he goes to sleep when he gets a notification. Even from low-quality night-vision footage of Yamaguchi laying on concrete floors and staring up at the ceiling, eyes wide from terror, Kei can tell how happy he is.

Kei was there when he watched his first horror movie. Of course he can tell.

Kei’s never seen Yamaguchi so little, so it is partially bittersweet, in a way he’d never admit. His closest friend, who’d felt like a permanent fixture at his side for years, got a job that makes him travel, but… it’s Yamaguchi, and he’s happy, and it isn’t like he doesn’t text him twice a day minimum, so it doesn’t really matter. Especially since he’s his first priority whenever he’s back in Sendai.

It’s stupid, to let his thoughts linger over things like that. Yamaguchi does too much for him already.

“You should be used to it by now. Even when we were kids you couldn’t sleep after a horror movie,” he says after he takes a sip of his coffee. He can remember those days like they were yesterday; it’d been so bad that Kei’s mother banned them from watching horror movies on weeknights. “Anyway, I thought you said nothing happened. What was even keeping you up?”

“It’s the atmosphere, Tsukki! I told you before. I know you still don’t believe in ghosts, but if you were there, I bet you’d be scared, too! Actually…” Yamaguchi bites the inside of his lip, and then picks up another french fry and twirls the end of it with his fingers. “Um, that internship you were doing. It’s over, right?”

Kei feels his brows furrow. Awful segue. “It is,” he says.

“How was it?”

“I… told you already,” Kei says.

They talked about it a week ago. It’d been… fine. More or less what Kei expected. Not like it was supposed to be fun. But Yamaguchi acted strangely when Kei talked to him about it, pretended to be normal with the same strain in his voice that Kei’s used to hearing whenever Yamaguchi is stressed about something.

Kei’d written it off as an odd manifestation of some work-related issue, because Yamaguchi has no reason to worry over one of Kei’s internships, but the conversation so obviously left an impression on him that Kei is certain he hasn’t forgotten it since then.

“You did. Uh…” Yamaguchi swallows. “Tendou accepted a job with First We Dine.”

Another terrible segue. Maybe Yamaguchi got possessed at that old hotel he came back from. “Good for him,” Kei says, even though he’s never liked Yamaguchi’s co-host that much. Back when Yamaguchi was still doing that thing where he tries to make him make friends with all of his friends with Tendou, he’d been overfamiliar in a strange way, like he was trying to annoy him on purpose. “What’s First We Dine?”

“Oh, it’s a food channel. He’s going to go around the country and eat desserts and stuff. You know, I never knew he liked sweets, but apparently he likes them so much he’s passionate about them! That guy’s pretty hard to read.” Yamaguchi laughs halfheartedly as he takes a sip from his coffee. “I’m gonna miss him on the show, though. He was funny.”

Kei’s seen every episode; he knows exactly how funny Yamaguchi thinks he is. “Have you already started looking for a replacement?”

“See, that’s the thing… Uh, something happened, so Tendou has to start working there sooner than we thought, and we don’t have anyone for the next episode,” Yamaguchi says. “It’s a big one, and we made plans with the historical society way in advance, so if we postpone we probably won’t get to go back there for at least a year, and…”

“He didn’t offer to stay for one episode?” Kei never liked Tendou, but he never thought he was a bad person, and he didn’t seem like he cared so little about the show he’d leave them to flounder.

“He did! Uh, he did, but…” Yamaguchi shoots Kei a lopsided grin. “I told him we could find someone else short notice.”

It all falls into place that easily, the piece of cake in front of him, every awful segue, the way Yamaguchi was so insistent on meeting up with him the second he got back. Someone else short notice, and the hidden meaning so obvious Kei could read it off Yamaguchi’s dimples even without his glasses on.

But… this is a lot, even for Yamaguchi who always asks him for the entire world with the smile on his face. Kei isn’t qualified. Yamaguchi is passionate about his show. He should say no.

He tries to say no, and what comes out is, “There’s someone at work who can do it?”

“No,” Yamaguchi says, stretching out at the vowel sound and still grinning at him. “I was thinking it’d be fun to bring in someone outside of the channel.”

“Hinata owes you a favor. I’m sure he could make time for you. Or… Yachi acts nervous all the time, but she’s braver than she seems. She would be good for your show. Kageyama is—”

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi finally complains as a pout finds its way to his mouth. Kei tries not to think about how he looks, with his lower lip sticking out like that. “You know I want you to do it. Just think about it! It’ll be fun, like a vacation. Since your internship just ended and you never get to travel.”

Kei should have heard the gears turning in Yamaguchi’s head when they were talking on the phone the other day. Still, to think that he’d do something like this is… “I don’t know anything about ghosts. Or being on camera. You should find someone qualified.”

“You don’t need to know about ghosts to be on the show! Plus, everyone’s been wanting to meet you since I talk about you in Q&As so much. It’d be nice to have you for a special episode, just while we find someone else.”

Yamaguchi does talk about him in Q&As too much. Kei would bring it up to him if there wasn’t something nice about hearing Yamaguchi say his name even when they weren’t talking.

Sappy. Kei should have brought it up to him, if he was eventually going to use it to justify this.

Kei exhales, rubs his neck. “You’re asking a lot from me, Yamaguchi.”

“I—” Yamaguchi starts, voice full of bluster, and then he abruptly stops. After a minute, he starts again. “I… know. You don’t— I really want you to, but if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. It’s just… I think it’d be really good for you to do something else for a little bit, and… I guess...”

Yamaguchi inhales and exhales, his breath uncharacteristically heavy. All the exaggerated disappointment from before has gone away and been replaced with… real disappointment.

“I like Tendou a lot, but every time I go to an old hotel or a haunted tunnel or whatever… I have a lot of fun, but I still think about how much more fun I’d be having if you were there, too! If you were laying next to me the same way you did when we were kids, after we watched all those horror movies. Um…”

Kei tries not to think about how his crestfallen expression makes him feel, picks up his fork the first time and takes a bite of the cake Yamaguchi bought for him. It’s not as sweet as Kei likes, and the frosting is a little gluey.

Still.

It’s perfect.

(Kei has never hated being Yamaguchi’s best friend as much as he does in this moment.)

“Fine.”

👻

“Ah… I can’t believe we’re finally here,” Yamaguchi says between yawns, sliding comfortably into the seat next to Kei.

Their plane hasn’t even taken off yet, and there’s a ninety-minute train ride waiting for them before getting to Hyogo Prefecture. But Kei knows better than to mention that to Yamaguchi, who’s settled down for the first time this morning.

He’d been so high-strung the whole hour and a half they’d been in the airport that it’d been hard to get a word in over his stressed babbling, triple-checking their train tickets and reservations. Making Kei decide what he wanted from the brunch place Yamaguchi found in Osaka before they even got on the plane there. Kei learned a long time ago that trying to calm him down in these situations only stresses him out more; he’s better off just letting him tire himself out.

“Mm. You should get some rest,” Kei says, leaning down to grab the travel pillow sticking out of Yamaguchi’s carry-on and fixing it lopsided around his neck.

Yamaguchi laughs gently as he adjusts the pillow and reaches into his pocket. “I will later. I downloaded a documentary about Ojiji Castle last night, and—”

Kei snatches the phone out of Yamaguchi’s hands the second he sees it. “You’re not allowed to watch it. Go to sleep, Yamaguchi.”

“Eh? What’s that supposed to mean?” Yamaguchi asks, tired smile across his face. “What’re you gonna do if I watch it?”

“I won’t do the video anymore. This will just be a vacation for me.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” Yamaguchi says, really laughing now. He leans over Kei’s lap and tries to get his phone back even as he effortlessly keeps it out of reach. “Eh, Tsukki, give it back!”

“I’m going to delete the documentary,” Kei says, swiping his phone unlocked.

“I need to charge it! I promise I won’t watch anything, okay?” He tries for his phone again, and Kei keeps it out of his reach. “Tsukki!”

Yamaguchi’s freckled cheeks are puffed up in indignation now, and there’s something strange in Kei’s chest. Maybe the weight of Yamaguchi leaning on him.

It’d been fun getting Yamaguchi worked up, but Yamaguchi making a face like that, that close to him is… It doesn’t matter. Yamaguchi’s gone through enough today.

Kei presses his phone back into his hands. “Fine,” he says simply, and Yamaguchi huffs as he takes it back, digs back into his pocket and pulls out his earphones.

“You’re a lot more difficult than Tendou, you know,” he says as he untangles the wires, but Kei can hear the smile behind his tone.

“You should have thought of that before you let him off the hook for the biggest episode you’ve filmed to date.”

Yamaguchi’s fiddling with his phone now, half-listening. “Of course I did.”

“And?”

“What do you think, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asks, suddenly looking up from his phone and smiling at Kei in that coy way he’s never been able to stand. He’d been – really listening. Kei hadn’t noticed. But before he can say anything, he feels Yamaguchi put an earphone into his ear. “Here, listen with me.”

“Why?”

“It’s been a long time since we did this, right? Like our train rides home in high school,” he says. “I’ll go to sleep, okay? I promise.”

Their train rides home in high school. Kei remembers them, the way Yamaguchi would grin expectantly at him as he listened to his flavor of the month, the new idol he thought was just as talented as she was cute, the new rock band he’d heard playing on the radio that made him think about learning to play the bass.

It’d rarely been music Kei genuinely liked, Yamaguchi’s favorite musicians’ discographies almost always landing on a scale that ranged from mostly tolerable to only slightly tolerable, and Kei never had a problem telling Yamaguchi exactly how he felt when he asked after whatever album or playlist he wanted Kei to listen to was finished. He can remember it perfectly, Yamaguchi’s reaction, the same every single time.

Laughing, that too-broad grin still splitting open his face, and then saying, _Sorry, Tsukki. I guess it just made me think of you._ Words that might have elicited sympathy, if it wasn’t for the affectionate insult dripping from his words, or Kei’s certainty that Yamaguchi would be making him listen to it again the next day.

It’s funny. In retrospect, Kei was probably fond of those rides, even if he hadn’t realized – the kind of thing he’d taken for granted while Yamaguchi was still constantly at his side – but he never would have thought Yamaguchi thought much of them at all.

Yamaguchi’s been acting strange lately. He wonders if Yamaguchi really has been possessed. What he said at the family restaurant, the way he’s talking about their train rides now. Coercing him into appearing on his show.

It doesn’t matter. Kei’s never known how to say no to him, anyway. Instead of thinking about it, he leans back into the headrest, smiles at the way Yamaguchi’s jaw hangs half-open as his head finds its way to Kei’s shoulder.

There’s a saccharine crooner with a tinny voice playing over Yamaguchi’s earphone. Slow and quiet, boring enough to put Kei to sleep, but he doesn’t turn it off like he might’ve when they were in high school. Instead he listens to every song with his full attention, thinks too much about every cheesy lyric until his eyelids get too heavy to keep open.

His last thought before he loses consciousness is that he should tell Yamaguchi he liked the music.

But by the time they’re both awake, Yamaguchi is so preoccupied that he forgets to ask.

👻

“Tsukki, you’re acting weird. Stop glancing at the camera like that.”

He’s chiding him, but the corner of Yamaguchi’s mouth is curved upwards, so slightly that another person wouldn’t notice it. Annoying, that he’s laughing at him. “I thought I was supposed to be looking at the camera.”

“You’re supposed to be looking at it normally. You’re acting like it’s gonna eat you. There’s more things to be scared of in this castle, you know.” He reaches over and places two hands on Kei’s shoulders, pushes down on them gently until he relaxes them.

“I didn’t expect you to get so nervous,” Yamaguchi says, taking his hands back and hiding a smile behind one of them. Kei can see the crinkle in his eyes. “I’ve never seen you this stiff before.”

“I’m… not used to doing things like this,” Kei says, and it’s an underexaggeration.

They’re sitting in one of the empty rooms in the wall of Ojiji Castle, apparently a complex that used to house a princess but, as Yamaguchi assured Kei, isn’t haunted. _Just, uh. A normal princess._ _Who probably died happily! Like most princesses. We’re not supposed to do this part in a room with ghosts in it. That’s for later._

It’d sounded fine, easy, a segment he’d watched Yamaguchi do a million times with Tendou, and he’d done fine when a camera person was filming him and Yamaguchi entering the castle. But the crew came and started setting up the cameras – three, with one pointed directly to Kei – and Kei realized that this was different than the time on their high school when he let Yamaguchi convince him to sneak out at night and mess with a Ouija board.

This show isn’t just something Yamaguchi’s passionate about – it’s his _career_. Every episode he watched had hundreds of thousands of views, and even though it’d felt like what was right in the moment, going along with him, Kei should have remembered Yamaguchi’s unfounded belief in ghosts is only matched by his unfounded belief in Kei’s capabilities.

(Kei can remember: Yamaguchi, at a summer festival with him in middle school, oni mask he’d convinced Kei to buy him resting on the top of his head, standing in front of a strength test stall and bragging to the worker, _Tsukki’s the strongest guy I know! He’s gonna win that huge stuffed animal. You’ll see._

He didn’t.)

“You’re thinking too much,” Yamaguchi says as he nudges his shoulder. His smile is too broad to hide now, and it’s enough to take Kei’s mind off of the worry that was consuming it before. “You and me talking. That’s all this is, okay? That’s all all of it is. Like when we were younger and you’d hunt for ghosts in the woods with me. Just that we’re gonna film it, and we can write everything off as work expenses.”

It— is just them. Yamaguchi’d gotten the crew to leave the room after he saw Kei acting strangely. Still, there’s a voice in the back of Kei’s head saying that that isn’t quite true, that there’s more than that to worry about, but before Kei can chase that voice any further, Yamaguchi’s hand is fixed firmly on his shoulder, and he’s looking into Kei’s eyes.

“Tsukki,” he says, and Kei can’t remember the last time their faces were this close, and he never realized how brown Yamaguchi’s eyes are, the kind of warmth you could get lost in. “I’m with you.”

Kei closes his eyes, tells himself it’s just for a second. Thinks about how Yamaguchi’s deep belief in ghosts is only matched by his deep belief in him. How that belief is surpassed by Kei’s belief in Yamaguchi.

He remembers not wasting too much energy stressing out or encouraging Yamaguchi when he was nervous about pitching his show, because he knew he’d get it. And then he did.

“I… know,” Kei says when he opens his eyes again. It is just Yamaguchi with him. The brown of his irises. “Okay. Let’s start the take again.”

👻👻

“Today, me and my best friend, Tsukishima Kei, are here in Ojiji Castle, continuing our investigation into the question: Are ghosts real?”

Yamaguchi rattles off the words easily; Kei heard him saying them out loud in the bathroom last night. His tone is a little memorized, like it always is, but there’s something endearing about that, too. That he’s not being flashy, and that you can tell when he’s being genuine.

It’s funny, remembering that Yamaguchi was nervous about this show. Like there’s anyone in the world that could spend longer than five minutes with him and not want to give him the world. But it’s not what’s important, now.

“They’re not,” Kei says, glancing over at Yamaguchi. “By the way, you don’t need to tell them I’m your best friend.”

“Huh? But I always say that when I talk about you,” Yamaguchi replies. “You really don’t want me to?”

“It’s…” _Strange. Annoying. Unnecessary._ Or… nice. Kei can’t bring himself to say any of those things. “It’s fine. Just continue your introduction.”

“Oh, uh… okay!” Yamaguchi takes an exaggerated breath, then, turns his gaze back to the camera. “Ojiji Castle, also known as the White Swan Castle for its brilliant white exterior, is an official world heritage site and the most visited castle in all of Japan. It’s so famous it’s been featured in multiple Kurosato movies, and even one James Pond movie! There’s one in Japan, I think.”

“James Pond? I didn’t know that.”

“You don’t watch movies like that unless I make you, Tsukki.”

“That’s true,” Kei says, feeling the corners of his mouth turn down into a thoughtful frown. “You don’t like James Pond?”

Yamaguchi shrugs. “He’s fine. We can watch the movie later if you want.”

“I think… It’d be appropriate, since we’re here.”

“I’ll rent it somewhere,” Yamaguchi says, flashing Kei a grin. After he doesn’t say anything else, Yamaguchi turns back to the camera. “Anyway, since it was built in 1933, Ojiji Castle’s had an eventful and extensive history, including surviving World War II bombings and the Great Hanshin Earthquake in 1955. But this tourist destination has a just as extensive dark side.”

“Is that why it’s survived so long, the dark side? A ghost protecting the castle, or something like that?”

“Huh? I don’t think so,” Yamaguchi says, wrinkling his nose, hand having found its way under his chin. “That’s supposed to be because of the, uh… the fish tiles on the roof? Shachinoko? Shachihoko. Oh, but now that I’m thinking about it, that’s just for fire prevention. Since it’s a fish.”

“Has there ever been a fire?”

“Not that I know of!”

“They’re strong fish, then.”

“Yeah.”

Yamaguchi is smiling at Kei again. It’s the same kind of smile that he makes after one of Kei’s offhand comments when they’re talking casually, the one that keeps Kei talking on buses and trains when he’s so tired he just wants to lean his head against the window and close and eyes.

It’s been a while since Kei felt like this.

“Uh…” Yamaguchi rubs the back of his neck. “What was I saying? I told you about the fish, because you… ah, okay. Dark side. There are multiple versions of the story of Kyoko – there’s a high chance that if you’ve heard it, the version you heard took place in Edo – but according to Ojiji Castle, the place it really happened was no other than right here.”

“It’s just a ghost story, isn’t it?” Kei says. “We’re not even sure it happened, and the most famous version was in Tokyo. The chances that Kyoko is haunting this castle seem slim, even if she does exist.”

“Which you also think isn’t true,” Yamaguchi adds.

“I’ve known you for years, and you haven’t given me a reason to believe in ghosts yet.”

“That’s why we’re here, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says, suppressing a grin. “Anyway, I’ll talk about what you said later. I haven’t even explained the legend yet, you know. We’re, uh… What’s the saying? We’re putting the cart before the horse.”

“Ah.” Kei bites the inside of his lip. “Sorry.”

Yamaguchi nudges Kei’s shoulders, holds back a laugh. “Don’t worry. I like when you talk.”

Kei can feel his cheeks heating up. He hates Yamaguchi, sometimes. “Just tell the story, Yamaguchi.”

“Okay! According to legend, during the seventeenth century, the lord of Ojiji Castle became gravely ill. To make his succession official, his heir Yotsuya obtained ten expensive plates and planned to give them to him. However, unbeknownst to him, Godai Yusaku, the chief retainer, was plotting to take over.”

“‘Unbeknownst,’” Kei says. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say that. Actually, it might be the first time I’ve ever heard anyone say that.”

“It sounds old-timey, right?” Yamaguchi flashes him a grin. “I thought it would fit.”

Hm. “It does,” Kei replies. “Anyway, continue what you were saying. Godai Yusaku.”

“Ah, okay! So he used a spy to steal one of the plates, and then called Kyoko, the fiancée of Yotsuya’s chief retainer, to his room, telling her to bring the box with all the plates. When she got there, he tried to seduce her, and she refused.”

“What a surprise,” Kei says, letting out a dry exhale. “I can’t imagine anything more romantic than me, the woman I like, and a box full of plates that her fiancé’s boss is planning to give a dying man.”

Yamaguchi laughs. “You know a lot about romance. I sure would like to be… Uh, anyway, after she refused, Godai made her count out the plates, and accused her of stealing one when one was missing.”

“That’s exactly what I’d do if I stole something,” Kei comments. “Bring the evidence to the room of a strange man the second I had the opportunity.”

“Well, Godai must’ve thought the story sounded believable, because he promised he’d lie for her on the condition that she became his mistress.”

“And she said no again?”

“She said no again.”

Kei clicks his tongue. “What a surprise.”

“It really is! After that, he beat her with a wooden sword, had her suspended her over a well, and then had her raised and lowered from the well repeatedly, beating her whenever she was raised out of the well.”

“That got dark quickly,” Kei says.

“It is a ghost story,” Yamaguchi says. “Once he got tired of doing that, he asked her to be his mistress and to help him kill Yotsuya one last time.”

“You’d think at the point that you were raising and lowering someone from in and out of a well, you’d already have given up.”

“Godai doesn’t really seem like the kind of person who knows when to quit.”

Kei shrugs. “That’s true.”

“Anyway, after she said no, he whacked her with his real sword, striking her dead and knocking her body into the well. But, while he was wiping his sword clean, he heard a voice from behind him, counting to nine. When he turned around, the ghost of Kyoko was rising out of the well, her eyes fixed on him.”

Kei nods, and after staring at Yamaguchi for a minute expectantly and being met with silence, he asks, “That’s the end of the story? Does she kill him?”

“Uh, maybe she does! But sometimes the worst torture is psychological,” Yamaguchi says, nodding to himself solemnly. “I think it’s kind of cool we aren’t really sure what happens. Ghosts can be mysterious.”

“I disagree.”

“Of course you do, Tsukki. Well, anyway, the reason I believe what happened to Kyoko happened here is that the well in the story exists on the grounds of this very castle. They say that at night, her ghost rises out of the well and you can hear her counting plates.”

“Like _The Bracelet_ , but less murderous,” Kei comments.

“You don’t know. She _could_ kill people.”

“She hasn’t yet,” Kei points out, and then exhales. “Well, whatever she does, hopefully we’ll find out today.”

“That’s the spirit,” Yamaguchi says, nudging him in the shoulder. “And speaking of spirits, this castle does have one more ghost lurking on its grounds.”

“Nice segue.”

“Thanks.” Yamaguchi flashes Kei a grin. “When they finished building the main keep, everyone was proud of their hard work, but apparently the head carpenter, Hongou Gentarou, felt bad about it leaning to the southeast.”

“I saw it fifteen minutes ago. It didn’t look like it was leaning,” Kei points out.

“Well, I’d like to tell you that that’s an important lesson about how we obsess over our mistakes that other people don’t even notice—”

“I’m glad you’re not telling me that,” Kei says. “It’s like you’re Mister Roberts or something. You’ll teach me how to share next.”

Yamaguchi’s laughing to himself. “Tsukki!” he chides him, nudging him in the shoulder again. “Anyway, I’d _like_ to tell you that, but after all the work was done, he brought his wife up to the top floor to look out at the sights, and she told him it was beautiful—”

“That’s nice.”

“—even though it leaned a little bit to the southeast.”

“Ah.”

“It’s the people closest to you that can hurt you the most,” Yamaguchi muses, nodding to himself again.

“Is that true?”

“Only when you’re mean to me!” Yamaguchi is grinning the kind of grin Kei hates again. Kei laughs. “But it was definitely true for Hongou Gentarou, because he got so distraught that his wife realized the building was tilted that he eventually climbed to the top of the keep, chisel in his mouth, and flung himself off the roof.”

“That’s upsetting.”

Yamaguchi nods. “People say that at night, he wanders around the castle, still holding a chisel in his mouth.”

“Do you think he’s noticed the building isn’t tilted?”

Yamaguchi scrunches his lip. “Maybe he’s the reason it isn’t tilted! Maybe he has that chisel in his mouth because he’s been working on it every night.”

“You’re saying he died and he still has to worry about work?”

“Hm… I thought it would be nice, but I guess you’re right. It is kind of sad.” The corners of Yamaguchi’s mouth are turned down into a slight frown. After a second, he turns to Kei, smiling. “Maybe you can help him move on when we meet him tonight. Give him one of your classic Tsukki pep talks.”

“Those are as real as his ghost.”

“Then we’ll probably see both of them today!”

“I doubt it.”

“You’re no fun,” Yamaguchi says, but when he gets up to turn off the cameras, he’s smiling.

👻

“You did great, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi exclaims when the cameras are all turned off. They’re sitting on the floor outside now, waiting for the crew to get ready to move their equipment. “You kept glancing away from the camera for no reason when you weren’t talking, but it was kind of cute, so it’s okay.”

Kei’s cheeks warm. His body’s response to the newly-crisp autumn air. “You have weird taste, Yamaguchi.”

It’s the beginning of sunset now, orange and pink light permeating the dark blue of the sky and reflecting off of the brilliant white of the castle walls. He’s staring absently upwards, leaning slightly to the side from the weight of Yamaguchi’s arm slung around his neck.

There’s something nice about the warmth of it, the soft fabric of his oversized pullover. He lets him keep leaning on him.

“You’re not uncomfortable with the cameras anymore, right? Well, you were okay before. Even if you were a little stiff,” Yamaguchi says. “Just… I was able to get them out of the room for that, but they’ll be following us around for the rest of the night, you know? Until we go to sleep.”

“I… think I’ll be fine,” he says. “It’s different if we’re sitting in a room and they’re watching me.”

Yamaguchi takes his arm off of his shoulder, pats him on the back. Kei’s neck tingles where he used to be. “Thanks, Tsukki. You’ll probably get used to it anyway, since they’ll be filming us so much. Shimizu-san’s really quiet, too!”

“Mm,” Kei says.

A moment passes in silence, and Kei sees Yamaguchi bite the inside of his cheek. “Oh!” he says, and reaches into his favorite awful fanny pack and pulls out a camcorder. When it powers on, he breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank God. I thought I forgot to charge it. I could use it to film you, Tsukki, but do you want to film me? Since you don’t like cameras. And you don’t believe in ghosts anyway.”

When they were younger and Yamaguchi would make him wander around strange places every chance they got, Yamaguchi used to make him hold the video camera, saying he wouldn’t want to miss anything in case ghosts don’t show up on video.

 _It wouldn’t make me nervous if you were holding the camera._ Kei closes his eyes. Opens them. He wonders what the hell he’s thinking about. Maybe he’s been possessed, not Yamaguchi.

“I’ll film you,” Kei finally says. “That’s what Tendou-san usually does, doesn’t he?”

“Wow, you must watch the show a lot!” Yamaguchi teases him, leans the weight of his whole body on Kei in the way he does when he wants to annoy him. “Don’t worry. I knew you did, even if you tried to hide it. You’re an awful liar sometimes, you know?”

Only with Yamaguchi. It doesn’t matter.

Kei opens his mouth, but before he can reply, the door of the building they’d been in before opens, and the woman that’d been filming them earlier – Shimizu, Kei remembers – walks out, camera in hand. “Am I interrupting something?” she asks when she spots them.

Yamaguchi scrambles to sit up straight, stands up and dusts himself off. He puts the camera back in his fanny pack. “Nothing. Are we ready to film? It’s still light out, so I was thinking we should look around the main keep first. There’s nothing really there, but, um… I thought I could show Tsukki where we’re sleeping!”

“It makes sense,” Shimizu says. “But you’re the head of the show, remember? You don’t need to ask permission. We can cut the footage we don’t need.”

“Oh, uh. Yeah!” Yamaguchi rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry, Shimizu-san.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she says, and then turns to Kei, sticking an arm out as if to help him stand up. “What about you? Are you okay now? Is there something I could do?”

Kei shakes his head, stands up on his own. “I’m— It’s fine. Thank you.”

Shimizu tilts her head. Her facial expression doesn’t change, but there’s something knowing behind her eyes. Uncomfortable. “Just pretend I’m not here. You don’t need to be nervous.”

“Okay,” Kei replies, turning towards Yamaguchi when she moves to set up her camera. When she flashes Yamaguchi a thumbs-up, he closes a hand around Kei’s wrist.

“Let’s go see the main keep,” he says, tugging him up the pathway to the entrance. “I’ll show you where we’re sleeping tonight.”

“This seems like a normal building,” Kei says when they enter the keep. He runs his fingers across the tourist placard by the entrance boasting the brief history of Ojiji Castle.

“It mostly is,” Yamaguchi replies. “Other than the fact that it’s super old and belonged to a lot of ancient famous people! And that it’s an international heritage site. Most people just come here to look outside.”

“Huh.”

They make their way up each floor slowly, Kei glancing over each mind-numbingly normal placard and Yamaguchi pointing out extra things he learned about the building during his research whenever he stops walking.

When they get to the top, Yamaguchi gestures around the small floor showily and says, “Tada! This is where we’re spending the night.”

“Here?” Kei asks, too dryly, and he glances around the room. There’s a shrine set up in the center, and little viewing areas all around. Near one of the windows, there’s a tourist placard.

“Eh, what’s wrong? It’s too small?” Yamaguchi asks. “It kind of comes with the job, you know?”

“No, it’s…” Kei bites the inside of his lip, wonders if he should say this kind of thing on camera. But Yamaguchi seemed like he enjoyed it when he was skeptical, before. “Don’t you sleep in places that are haunted? This seems like the kind of place that everyone comes to for the view. It’s a little boring, isn’t it?”

“Well…” Yamaguchi rubs the back of his neck. “Hongou Gentarou died falling off the roof, and this is the closest we can get without sleeping on the roof, right?”

Kei frowns, but before he can say anything, Yamaguchi starts to talk again.

“Okay, okay. Man, nothing gets past you!” Yamaguchi forces a laugh. “I’m, uh… It would make more sense to sleep near Kyoko’s Well, I know, but, um… I’m scared of sleeping outside.”

Scared of sleeping outside. Kei forgot. When they were younger and they’d sneak away after festivals to go ghost hunting and Kei could tell Yamaguchi had trouble keeping his eyes open, he’d sprint back to Kei’s house, passing out the second he went to his room.

But they’re older now.

“Isn’t it scarier to sleep inside?” Kei asks. “It’s harder to run away. Especially here. You only have that tiny staircase.”

“Well…” Yamaguchi scrunches his mouth. “The opposite is true, too! Ghosts could come from anywhere and kill me.”

“Aren’t you locking yourself in a room with a ghost anyway?”

“Hmm…” There’s a hand on Yamaguchi’s chin, how hard he’s thinking now. After a moment passes, he claps his hands together, too loudly. “Okay! Since it’s a special episode and you agreed to film it with me, I’ll do something, too. We’ll sleep next to Kyoko’s Well tonight! If anything happens, you’ll fight Kyoko for me, right?”

“Presumably we’ll have time to run away while she’s counting plates.”

“Good enough!” Yamaguchi says, nudging him in the shoulder. “Oh, uh…”

“Hm?”

Yamaguchi opens the front pocket of his fanny pack, digs through it a second, and then pulls out a five-yen coin and presses it into Kei’s palm. “Here. We might as well pay our respects here if there’s a shrine, right?”

“Okay.”

After the money’s in the offertory box and their final bows are done, Yamaguchi nudges Kei in the shoulder. “What did you pray for?”

“Good health.”

“Boring,” Yamaguchi says, frowning. “You always ask for that. You should start praying for real things.”

It’s true; Kei’s always had trouble thinking of what to ask for at shrines, when Yamaguchi tells him to toss a penny into a fountain, when he’s blowing out birthday candles. At some point, he decided to do away with the trouble and just wish for good health every time. He’s never needed anything special, anyway.

Still. What a strange thing to get on his back about.

“Good health is something real,” Kei points out. “What did you pray for that’s so interesting?”

Yamaguchi grins at him. “I prayed for us to survive the night. You’re welcome, Tsukki!”

“Isn’t that technically good health?” Kei asks, and Yamaguchi only makes a face at him. “Well, it doesn’t matter. It’s not going to happen now that you’ve said it out loud.”

“Tsukki! I hope you get the flu!”

👻👻

“This is Harakiri-maru, Ojiji Castle’s designated area for ritual suicide. See, the sword rack is over there with the coroner’s seat. People used to perform seppuku on this very stage.”

They’re outside now; Shimizu had turned off the camera after they were done looking around the top floor of the keep, but once they left the building, Yamaguchi gave Kei the video camera and taught him how to use it, and then pressed a flashlight into his other hand.

It’s been dark for a long time now; the only lights are from the far-apart lanterns lined along the castle walls and the spotlights on illuminating the outside of the keeps, more for display than giving light to walk along. There’s an eerie atmosphere surrounding them as they follow their flashlights, the huge keeps around them glowing like a giant spirit in the night.

Kei runs his fingers over the sword rack; the metal is cold in the nighttime air. “You didn’t tell me about this place earlier. Is it haunted?”

“You can check!” Yamaguchi says, and when Kei moves his flashlight to see his face, he’s smiling.

“It definitely isn’t haunted if you’re fine with letting me check,” Kei replies, but he gets on the stage anyway, shakes off the feelings of unease that come with standing in a spot where multiple people killed themselves. “Ghosts, if you’re here, send me a sign so Yamaguchi can rub it in my face for the rest of my life.”

“It might not be that long!”

Yamaguchi’s gleeful. It’s disturbing how happy he is, probably. Kei doesn’t really mind it. “If you’re here…” Kei tries to remember what Tendou usually does when he’s baiting ghosts. “If you’re here, make my flashlight flicker!”

He waits a minute, and the flashlight in his hand doesn’t falter for a second. Sighing, he steps off the stage. “I knew nothing would happen.”

Yamaguchi laughs. “Well, it kind of makes sense, right? You don’t perform seppuku and then stick around as a ghost.”

“Mm,” Kei says. “Still. Strange that a place with an atmosphere like this isn’t haunted.”

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi replies in exaggerated surprise, “I thought you didn’t believe in ghosts!”

Annoying. “It’s strange no one’s _thought_ a place with an atmosphere like this is haunted.”

“Don’t worry, Tsukki. I won’t tell anyone you believe in ghosts.”

“We’re literally being taped right now,” Kei mutters. “And I don’t. I misspoke.”

Yamaguchi mimes zipping his mouth shut and throwing out the key.

Kei sighs and turns to leave. “Let’s get out of here. No point being somewhere this creepy for no reason.”

Yamaguchi makes a muffled sound, and when Kei turns around, he’s still pressing his mouth together like it’s zipped shut. Grinning, he makes another noise through that sounds like a question.

( _Cute._ )

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

Behind him, Kei hears something that sounds an awful lot like the words _Sorry, Tsukki_ trying to escape Yamaguchi’s closed lips.

👻

“Here’s the main event! Kyoko’s Well. Man, the air around here feels a little chillier, doesn’t it, Tsukki?”

“You can open your mouth again?” 

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi replies with a weak grin.

Hm. Yamaguchi’s too afraid to goof around. Kei understands, partially; if the atmosphere in Harakiri-maru felt off, this is ten times worse, which is incredible considering that Kyoko’s legend is half nonsense but not believing people actually died at Harakiri-maru feels like not believing in dinosaurs.

He wonders what it is about this place that puts him on edge this way. If it’s just the dark, or the feeling of Yamaguchi shivering by his side. Maybe it is something spiritual; the combined fear of everyone coming to see this well leaving an impression the place itself, one that affects the people that come after.

But Kei shines his flashlight on the well, and from the angle he’s standing at, it just looks like a pile of rocks with a stone fence around it. He can’t imagine this place being scary in the morning. Not much of surprise; he’d barely believed it when he came up with the possibility. Like something out of a shounen manga.

He’d believe in it before he believed in ghosts, anyway.

“It just looks like a well,” Kei points out.

“Of course it does. It was just a well before someone died in it,” Yamaguchi says, voice thin. “Not like we’d still be able to see the bloodstains even if they did leave them there!”

Kei walks to the well, runs his fingers across the rough stone. When he shines his flashlight straight into it, he thinks he makes out water at the bottom. But he might be imagining it. “I guess I expected something different,” he muses, and then yelps when he feels someone grab his shoulder.

Yamaguchi’s laughing. It still sounds a little forced. “I know it’s dark, but I can still tell, Tsukki. You’re jumpy! This is…” He takes in a deep breath. “I’ve been a lot of places, but the atmosphere here is terrifying. Kyoko has to be here with us right now.”

“This complex is just old, and it’s dark out,” Kei says. “Even the lights they put on the castle buildings make them look possessed.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night. Tonight,” Yamaguchi teases, nudging Kei. After Kei doesn’t say a word, his face falls. “Ah… I can’t imagine spending the whole night trying to sleep here…”

“Did you scare yourself?”

“I’m not scared because you’re with me!” Yamaguchi lies through his teeth. His voice is stretched-out again. “Ah, um. Let’s try to talk to her.”

He reaches into his fanny pack and takes out the rectangular contraption he’d put into it earlier. The spirit box, Kei remembers. Yamaguchi boasted about it before he put it away. Kei’s seen them use it before.

Hands shaking, Yamaguchi starts to move to put the spirit box on top of the well, and Kei takes it from his hands, places it carefully in a position where it won’t fall into the well and break. “How does this work, anyway?”

“Oh, um…” Yamaguchi is leaning down now, fiddling with the box, a little inefficient from the jitteriness of his fingers. “It scans radio stations really fast, so ghosts can talk to us through it. Since they don’t like using their voices and people are always talking on radio stations. Or they could make noises with the static.”

With that, Yamaguchi switches the box on, and an awful crinkling noise comes from it. Kei thinks he understands how it works a little more; a sound like that is enough to wake the dead. “So you’re saying ghosts are listening to every radio station all the time?” he asks over the noise. “That sounds like hell.”

“Well, ghosts aren’t really known for being that happy,” Yamaguchi quips, and he’s smiling at Kei.

He sounds a little less uneasy. Good. “That’s a terrible thought, death causing omnipresence. If that’s true, I hope I never die.”

“Just radio omnipresence. But I hope you never die, too.”

Hah. Annoying. But before Kei can reply, he can hear a human voice on the radio, words hard to make out, and Yamaguchi yelps.

“Did you hear that?” he asks, lightly hitting Kei in the shoulder.

“The second it spent on a radio station? Isn’t this machine supposed to do that?”

“It’s supposed be able to do that when ghosts manipulate it to! You’re not listening, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi chides him. “It said, ‘Stop.’ I heard it really clear.”

“If it told us to stop, shouldn’t we turn the spirit box off?” Kei asks. “You’ll just irritate her and she’ll leave. Or she’ll come out and try to kill us. I guess that’s the point of the show, anyway.”

Yamaguchi visibly stiffens when he hears what Kei says, but he just shakes his head. “She’s _talking_ to us through it! Uh… if she tells us to stop again, we’ll turn it off. Just listen, okay?” He turns towards the well, looks deep into the darkness at the bottom. “Kyoko-san, we’re listening! Give us whatever message you want!”

They stand there for three minutes that feel like hours, listening to static, and then the channel changes. Before apprehension can flood Kei’s system, the machine says, “— _dancing_ —” and then returns to static.

A wrinkle forms between Yamaguchi’s eyebrows, the same one Kei remembers laughing at in math class years ago. “Should we… Should we dance?”

“You try it first.”

“You’re the worst!”

Yamaguchi’s lower lip is sticking out. Kei hates that face, even if Yamaguchi is just being overdramatic. “If something happens, I’ll dance, too,” he says. There isn’t even any music playing.

“Promise, Tsukki?”

“Mm.”

Yamaguchi moves to the side of the well, gets into a weird pose with both his arms out like he’s either going to start dancing or punching something, and then the box crackles and says, “— _baseball—_ ” before the static starts up again.

Yamaguchi deflates like a balloon, his arms falling to his sides as he slumps forward slightly. “I think she’s making fun of us.”

“I think your radio box just doesn’t work.”

“Spirit box. And it said, ‘Stop’!” Yamaguchi argues. “It could have stopped on any radio station saying anything, but she—”

“You sound like a conspiracy theorist,” Kei replies. “Should I turn this off?”

“Uh…” Yamaguchi rubs the back of his neck. “I guess if it’s because the box doesn’t work or because she’s mocking us now, we should probably turn it off. I don’t think we’ll get anything, anyway.”

It’s strange that Yamaguchi sounds so disappointed; he’d been so afraid of her being real, and now he’s sad she won’t talk to him.

But Yamaguchi’s always been more complex that Kei’s ever been able to understand. He accepted that a long time ago.

“You said she’s supposed to come out late counting plates, doesn’t she?” Kei asks as he switches off the machine. The deafening sound of static finally goes away. “We’re spending the entire night here. If that happens, we’ll probably see it. You can ask her whatever you want then.”

Yamaguchi laughs weakly. “Yeah!” he says, clapping his hands together in some attempt to raise his spirits. “In the meantime, Hongou Gentarou’s supposed to wander around at night with a chisel in his mouth, remember? Let’s walk around and see if we can find him!”

Kei’s feet are tired. Yamaguchi would make fun of him for that.

( _It’s not like he’s not going to do it anyway._ )

“Mm. Okay.”

👻

Yamaguchi’s curled up against Kei’s back, and Kei doesn’t think he’ll get a second of sleep tonight.

They walked around the grounds four times before they gave up; it was time for the crew to go home, and Shimizu assured them the footage was good enough – Yamaguchi had yelped and hid behind Kei for nothing enough times, and Kei doubts she thought she would see a ghost tonight, anyway.

When they got back to the well, two worn futons were haphazardly placed side-by-side at its foot. Impractical, since it’d make more sense for their futons to be placed individually around the well, but when he thought about mentioning it to Yamaguchi, he realized he’d probably requested they be placed that way.

Yamaguchi’d been going through enough having to sleep outside, next to a well that terrified him for no reason. Kei wasn’t going to make him do it alone.

(Nights after horror movies, when they were younger and they were still enough to make Yamaguchi think he might die. Yamaguchi crawling out of his futon and into his bed. Kei remembers.)

Kei should have made Yamaguchi do it alone, he thinks, now. Something about exposure therapy, and facing your fears. And that even though Kei didn’t expect to be getting much sleep tonight, laying in a futon next to terrified Yamaguchi, he didn’t think it would be because of _this._

It’s been years since they shared a bed, but Kei can barely believe he forgot about this habit, that he’d always wake up too hot because Yamaguchi clung to him in the night.

They’re both older now. Kei thinks Yamaguchi thinks he’s asleep, because he’d been normal about things – scrolling through social media on his phone, muttering to himself in fear from the normal distance that you’d be from your best friend if you were sleeping in side-by-side futons for professional reasons – until Kei rolled over and decided to make a concerted effort to fall asleep, at which point Yamaguchi waited a practical maybe ten minutes, and then buried his face between Kei’s shoulder blades.

Maybe Yamaguchi is possessed, and Kyoko is trying to kill him by suffocating him on Kei’s back. That would definitely traumatize him.

Kei remembers what Yamaguchi told him earlier. _Sometimes the worst torture is psychological._ One of the few things Yamaguchi was right about, tonight.

Yamaguchi’s fingers are clutching the bottom of Kei’s sweatshirt. They’re trembling slightly, but Kei can feel Yamaguchi trying to stay as still as possible. To not wake him up.

Of course not. This position is embarrassing for the both of them. But if it is embarrassing—

Kei rolls over slowly, groans like he’s just getting up. Yamaguchi jumps off him immediately, crawls further up in the futon so their heads are level. “Tsukki,” he whispers. Kei is laying on his back now. “Tsukki, are you awake?”

“Why are you—” Kei yawns. “Why are you whispering? Who are you going to wake up?”

“Tsukki, stay up with me, please. I’m, uh…”

 _Scared._ Yamaguchi doesn’t want to say it. Irritating.

When Kei turns his head, Yamaguchi’s face is only about a foot from his. It’s not that bad. It’s better than when his face was pressed against his back. He closes his eyes again. Opens them. Yamaguchi’s face is the same place it was before. He’s lucky he can’t make out his freckles in the pitch black that fell over them when the crew turned off all the lights in the complex on their way out.

Yamaguchi doesn’t even notice their proximity, how scared he is. Or— he probably wouldn’t even care if things were normal. That’s…

Annoying. They’re sleeping on dirt that once belonged to a Japanese war hero. In a world heritage site. There’s a well next to Yamaguchi next to Kei that’s supposedly haunted by a ghost whose story usually takes place in Tokyo.

Stupid, that he’d wanted to dwell on that now. What Yamaguchi would care about.

“Why? Didn’t you want to meet her? The kind of show this is, the ideal way this night would go is us hearing her voice counting plates right now.”

Yamaguchi squeaks. Kei forgot he could make that noise. “It… is, but… don’t say that. I’m already…”

“I always thought that’s how you’d want to die. Getting killed by a ghost. Especially since you do things like this.”

“But I don’t want to _die_ , Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says. He whines, and Kei hears him shift a little next to him. Pull himself a little closer to fetal position. “I wanted you to stay up with me so it’d be _less_ scary.”

If Kei could make out Yamaguchi’s face better, he’d probably feel bad. Instead, it just makes him want to smile, makes something in his chest feel pleasant. The way Yamaguchi’s acting right now.

He shouldn’t think too hard about it. He shakes the feeling.

“Even if she was real, it’s not like she’s ever killed anyone. You don’t have anything to be afraid of. Just go to sleep.”

“She could have killed Godai Yusaku,” Yamaguchi points out. “We don’t know, remember? We don’t really know anything about ghosts…”

"Godai murdered her. The worst thing you’ve done to her was make her listen to loud static for fifteen minutes. She’s not going to kill you,” Kei tries to reason. “Besides, you almost danced on her command. If I were her, I’d want to keep you alive. I’d make you do my bidding, or something.”

“Hmm,” Yamaguchi says thoughtfully, and Kei nearly breathes a sigh of relief, that maybe he’d gotten through to him. And then Yamaguchi opens his mouth again. “That’d be kind of scary, too, though, wouldn’t it? What if she wanted me to kill you?”

Kei exhales. “Yamaguchi,” he says, “if Kyoko asks you to kill me to keep you alive, you have my full permission to murder me. Stop worrying about it now.”

“What if she wanted me to kill Shimizu-san?”

Yamaguchi moved on from him quickly. Kei doesn’t dwell on it. “Did you bother Tendou-san this much?”

“Tendou’s a deep sleeper.”

“Lucky him,” Kei says, and they fall into silence, except for the sounds of Yamaguchi shifting in the bed next to him. As Kei learns to tune them out, he starts wondering if Yamaguchi ever buried his face into Tendou’s back ( _or maybe his chest, which is worse, except why is it even bad_ ), and prospect of sleep somehow gets farther and farther away, and then—

“Tsukki, can I hold onto your arm?”

Kei coughs. “What?”

“It would make me feel better. Um… I might even be able to fall asleep!”

What a bizarre situation. Yamaguchi bribing him with falling asleep. “What would my arm even do? Are you planning to use it to swat Kyoko away?”

“Don’t— Don’t say her name. And… no. I just… it would help me remember that you’re next to me, and…”

Kei’s face is hot. His blanket is too thick. “Do whatever you want.”

“Thank you, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says. In a second, he’s hugging Kei’s arm to his chest. His body is warm, Kei thinks, even as it shivers so much. A while passes – not long enough for Yamaguchi to reasonably think he’s fallen asleep – and Yamaguchi buries his face into Kei’s shoulder.

After fifteen minutes of trying to slow his heartrate, during which Kei almost convinces himself Yamaguchi might actually pass out and not keep him up all night ( _like Yamaguchi needs to be awake to keep him up all night, his face buried into him like this_ ), a noise that sounds like a bird’s wings pierces through the quiet. In an instant, Yamaguchi yells and digs his fingernails into Kei’s arm, hard enough that he can feel it through the fabric of his sweater.

“Did you hear that, Tsukki?” he asks, face no longer in Kei’s shoulder, whispering furiously like they’re at risk of something catching and killing them.

Kei’s shoulder tingles where his face used to be. “I’m not deaf,” he says, and then adds, “It was just a bird. Probably a crow. They love places like this.”

“It— It could be, but what if it was Kyo— Kyo— the ghost? Or maybe she was possessing that bird, like you said she might do to me, or—”

Kei sighs. “I said she’d make you do her bidding. Have you ever met a crow? You can’t tell those birds what to do for anything.”

“You’re right, but… maybe if you’re a ghost—”

“Yamaguchi, didn’t you tell me you’d go to sleep?”

“Sorry, Tsukki, it’s just… the atmosphere here, and I’ve always been afraid of sleeping outside, and—”

“ _Yamaguchi_ ,” Kei says. Swallows. “I’m… I’m next to you.”

Yamaguchi doesn’t speak for a second, and when Kei turns, he’s staring at him, can feel his gaze pierce through the pitch-black night, and then he laughs. Small and light. “Yeah,” he says. He holds Kei’s arm a little closer to him, hides his face again in the fabric of Kei’s sleeve. “Yeah.”

He’s trembling, still, but there’s something Kei doesn’t want to admit he likes about it. Yamaguchi’s face in his arm.

Kei moves his gaze back to the sky, tries to make a constellation out in the smattering of stars he can see to get his mind off it. The feeling. But he can’t find anything.

As Kei closes his eyes, he thinks to himself that it’s going to be a long night.

👻

By the time either of them falls asleep, the sky’s already turned pink, and when Kei wakes up, there’s a red leaf carefully placed on his nose and Yamaguchi is sitting up next to him.

As Kei takes the leaf off of his face, Yamaguchi turns away from his cell phone. “You’re already awake, Tsukki? Look at your new contact picture,” he says, fiddling with his phone a second, and then turning his screen to show Kei a picture of him with his mouth open and leaf on his nose. “Anyway, the crew is on their way over. I just have to film the final monologue and then we can leave. You can go back to sleep if you want.”

“It’s fine,” he says, sitting up and feeling around the space above his pillow for his glasses. When he puts them on, he peers over at Yamaguchi, who’s still tapping away on his phone. “Are you disappointed that Kyoko isn’t real?”

“Huh?” he asks, putting his phone down on his lap. It takes a second for what he said to sink in, but when it does, he laughs. “I still believe in Kyoko! Actually, it’d be pretty easy to still believe in Kyoko, don’t you think? She could be in Tokyo somewhere, for all we know.”

“Is that what you think?” Kei asks as he stretches his arms out. His body feels stiff after lying completely still while Yamaguchi clung to him all night. “She’s in Tokyo?”

“Of course not! I can’t believe you think I’d stop believing in her over one night,” he says, the right corner of his mouth turned downward just slightly. “I think… she does exist, and she exists right in this well. Since she talked to us through the spirit box! Hey, don’t comment on that. It’s just that she didn’t want to see us. Or…” Yamaguchi rubs the back of his neck and smiles at Kei sheepishly. “Maybe she was having mercy on me.”

That’s… true. What he said about not believing in him. Kei shouldn’t have expected anything less, from Yamaguchi. Running all over the country to prove ghosts are real and filming all these episodes and… never losing faith, even when nothing happens, over and over and over again. Trying his hardest and believing in the impossible every time.

Yamaguchi’s never been the kind of person who could fake sincerity, who could get on camera and pretend to be passionate about something just because he has to. Kei knew that. He’s always known that.

“You’re…” Kei bites the inside of his cheek. Wonders what the swirling in his chest is. Why Yamaguchi’s words make him feel this way. “You’re strange, Yamaguchi.”

( _Projecting, maybe._ )

Yamaguchi just laughs, smiles that he smiles not when he wants something from Kei, or when he’s making fun of him. Just when he’s happy.

“You know, Tsukki, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me since we got here.”

👻

Kei’s eating melon bread and half-listening to the local news when Yamaguchi emerges from the bathroom, hair dripping wet slightly.

“I feel a lot better now,” he exclaims, leaning forward to towel his hair. “I guess sleeping outside was kind of exciting, but there’s something about it that makes me feel kind of gross.”

It’s probably just that he hadn’t showered the entire half-day they’d been running around the complex. When they were younger and they’d run around outside until well past midnight, he had no problem passing out on Kei’s floor the second they got back.

But Kei doesn’t feel like he should mention it, even though a part of him wants to.

“At least no one put a leaf on your face while you were asleep.”

Yamaguchi laughs as he hangs his towel over the side of one of the desk chairs. “That’s why I let you shower first!” he says, and then reaches for the cellphone he left on the bed. “By the way, I almost forgot.”

Kei’s phone vibrates. Exhaling, he reaches for it, and when he looks, the picture Yamaguchi took of him that morning is sitting in his inbox. “Why did you send me this? I’m not going to save it.”

“You should save it. You look nice,” Yamaguchi says, climbing onto his bed and leaning against the headboard. He pulls the covers over his legs. “I’m definitely never going to delete it.”

“I know,” Kei says. Yamaguchi’s teasing him. It doesn’t matter. He grabs for the plastic bag on the night-table between them and tosses him the rice ball he’d bought after Kei talked him out of trying to go to WcDonalds. “You should eat.”

“Thanks, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says, even if he makes a face as he unwraps it.

Kei ignores it; he knows what he’d rather be eating, and even if WcDonalds was serving their normal menu at this time of day, he still wouldn’t let Yamaguchi go there. If the show is going to ruin his sleeping schedule, Kei at least wants him to eat something real. Even if convenience store food is only a facsimile of that.

“Hey, did you mean what you said before?” Yamaguchi asks Kei through mouthfuls of rice, and immediately, Kei’s cheeks heat up and _I’m next to you_ starts ringing over and over again throughout his mind.

It isn’t even embarrassing. When he said it, it was literally true. Besides, if someone should be embarrassed about something they said recently, it’s Yamaguchi. But… Yamaguchi’s never been like that, too. Getting embarrassed about things he’s said to him. Kei can remember when he used to brag about how tall he was. That was a long time ago, now. It doesn’t matter.

Kei balls up the plastic he’d ripped the melon bread out of, tosses it into the hotel room trashcan.

“What do you mean?” he asks, measured, casual. It’s been too long since Yamaguchi asked the question. Or… Well, he’s never been able to get anything past him, anyway.

“Oh, sorry. I guess I was thinking really hard while I was eating,” he says. “About James Pond. The movie in the castle. Remember you said you wanted to watch it?”

It takes Kei a minute, and then he remembers the mostly meaningless conversation he’d made with him when they were filming yesterday afternoon. Strange; he’d done it because it made Yamaguchi happy, but he didn’t think it affected him so much he’d still be thinking about it now. “Ah, not…”

_Not unless you want to._

Kei wouldn’t normally say something like that; he’d just say yes or no, if things were still the same. Things are different, but he shouldn’t… say things like that. Treat Yamaguchi that way.

Coming here, the futons they laid side-by-side in. For a while, it felt like moving through a dream, and… he wants to stay in the dream a little longer. But he can’t fall into it forever. He can’t have Yamaguchi realize things he isn’t supposed to. Things that might change forever.

“Not really.”

Yamaguchi laughs. It’s not forced or fake; just something light. Relief. “Thank God. I don’t feel like finding it. It’s kind of silly to watch it if we haven’t seen any of the other James Pond films, right?” He leans back against the headboard, stretches and yawns. “Besides, I just wanna go to sleep.”

“I’m not surprised. You barely slept at all last night,” Kei points out. “You woke up before I did.”

Yamaguchi grins. “It’s how much I usually sleep when we film. You didn’t sleep that much either, Tsukki.”

“Someone was keeping me up,” he says, and then exhales heavily. He is still tired. Especially since he stayed up with Yamaguchi after he woke up. “I’ll probably take a nap now, too.”

Kei hears Yamaguchi laugh as he crawls under his covers, takes off his glasses and puts them on the night-table. “Goodnight, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says as the television volume lowers to that of a harsh whisper.

Nice of him. “Goodnight,” Kei replies.

For maybe fifteen minutes, he listens to the news on low, and then the sound of crinkling plastic and the television being shut off. Yamaguchi crawling down into the covers.

For a while, it’s only the sounds of traffic from outside, and then Yamaguchi says, “Tsukki? Are you awake?”

“Is there a ghost in our hotel room, too?”

Yamaguchi’s laugh is gentle, only half-sincere. “No, I… Can I… sleep with you again? In your bed?”

 _Why?_ Kei should ask. _There’s nothing to be afraid of here. Just go to sleep._

_Stop teasing me, Yamaguchi._

But… Kei closes his eyes. Yamaguchi isn’t teasing him. The way his voice sounds. Kei knows what Yamaguchi sounds like when he’s teasing him.

Like he’s nervous about something, or afraid. Maybe that Tendou quit, and his fun outing with Kei is over. Yamaguchi is the heart of his show – it’s _his_ show – but that kind of thing has always been what Yamaguchi is the worst at seeing. It’s something Kei’s spent late nights thinking about. How Yamaguchi’s self-esteem is too low, for someone like him.

And there are things about forever, and things Yamaguchi can’t realize, but… Yamaguchi is distracted now. He asked him, and it’s different.

( _And he’s just as weak as he was that day in the family restaurant._ )

“Okay.”

Yamaguchi doesn’t say a word as he stands up, as he slots himself in the space Kei made for him after he heard him get up. He doesn’t say anything as he tugs on Kei’s t-shirt until he turns around, as he curls into his chest.

This is strange, Kei should think. This doesn’t make sense. Things they did when they were younger, things they do now, that they’re older.

But he stayed up almost the entire night last night, and something about moving through a dream, so the only thought that passes through Kei’s mind before he loses consciousness is something about the scent of strawberries emanating from Yamaguchi’s hair.

👻

Kei wakes up to Yamaguchi gently shaking him, and when he opens his eyes, he’s already changed out of his jogging pants and white t-shirt.

“Morning, Tsukki,” he says, smiling down at him. “I woke you up so you’ll be able to sleep tonight.”

Kei’s head hurts, a little bit. He just needs water, he thinks to himself, and he grabs one of the bottles they left lined up next to the television. “Thanks,” Kei says, and then takes a swig.

“You should change so we can go out!” Yamaguchi says. “We’ll walk around town for a little. You can buy your mom a souvenir. Akiteru, too! And there’s this restaurant I want to go to that gets crowded at night, so we’ll eat early, and…”

Kei starts tuning Yamaguchi out as he grabs his clothes from the inside of his drawer; he’s probably been planning this since before they got on the plane here, and it’s not like he’s going to say no to whatever it is, anyway. Even if he pretends he doesn’t want to, Yamaguchi’s known him long enough to know it would only be words. That he always ends up wanting to do what Yamaguchi wants to do, somehow.

When Kei turns around, already in his jeans and pullover sweater, Yamaguchi is looking at him oddly. He’s about to ask if something’s going on when Yamaguchi says, “Tsukki, were you listening to anything I said?”

Like Kei’s the one making weird faces. As he pockets his wallet and cell phone, he decides not to dwell on it. “Did I need to?” Kei asks, and when Yamaguchi moves forward to swat him, he adds, “I’m coming with you anyway. Let’s go.”

It takes a moment for what he said to sink in; Yamaguchi probably expected something sarcastic, and Kei probably said too much, but Yamaguchi smiles at him, and suddenly it doesn’t matter.

“Okay!” Yamaguchi says, and when he walks out the door, Kei follows behind him.

👻

There’s a bar at the restaurant Yamaguchi takes him to, and they have Kahlua.

Yamaguchi probably checked, which Kei thinks he hates about him, but feels like he loves about him. At the moment, as he walks out of the restaurant, stumbling after Yamaguchi, he isn’t sure.

He only had one drink – just enough to get buzzed, just enough to get Yamaguchi laughing at him for being a lightweight, just enough to get peer-pressured into eating expensive beef while not noticing Yamaguchi paying the check – but it was too much, he thinks, now, as he carefully treads the wobbling concrete and nearly falls into Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi grins. “You’re always funny when you’re like this,” he says as he grabs his upper arm. “Just lean on me, okay? We have one stop and then we’ll go back.”

Yamaguchi’s laughing at him. It’s just hard to walk, now; he’s in his right mind, and it kind of annoys him. The way Yamaguchi is laughing. Even if it’s cute, too, the way he doesn’t bother to hide it.

When they stop, it’s in front of a bakery they’d been at earlier, where Yamaguchi bought dango in the middle of souvenir hunting and they ate it while looking out at the mountains. “I don’t want you to knock anything over, Tsukki, so just wait here, okay?”

Kei knows what it is he’s getting if it’s a bakery, and he feels bad about it for a second, and then spots a fast-food restaurant across the street. But right when he’s about to walk over, his hand over his wallet, he feels a hand wrap around his upper arm.

“Are you okay?” he hears Yamaguchi ask from behind him.

“I wanted to go to WcDonalds.”

“Geez, you’re still hungry?” Yamaguchi asks, but he tugs him down the street anyway, clutching a white bag in his hand. “I told you to eat more of the beef. I got you a bottle of water, but I don’t think they’ll let you drink it in there.”

Kei is barely listening, just walks ahead of Yamaguchi and orders what he wants to order. He feels a little steadier on his feet now.

Yamaguchi is a little annoyed when he catches up with him, tells him a lie about how he almost saw him trip, but when the food comes out and Kei presses the fries into Yamaguchi’s free hand, he smiles. “Tsukki, we just ate.”

Yamaguchi has a second stomach for french fries. Kei takes the plastic bag from Yamaguchi and holds it carefully, the way he’d been holding it before. There’s something in Yamaguchi’s eyes Kei wishes he could recognize.

When they’re outside of WcDonalds, Yamaguchi makes him fish the bottle of water out of the plastic bag and down the entire thing, and they head back.

It’s a considerable walk; by the time they get to the hotel room, the buzz has faded and left him with gently-biting alcohol-induced exhaustion. Yamaguchi caught wind of it while they were walking; partway through, he stopped holding him steady. Kei’s arm still tingles where his fingers were.

“Here,” Yamaguchi says, handing Kei a bottle of water. He drinks it before he tells him to. “You can shower first.”

Kei nods, and when he comes out, he catches Yamaguchi chewing on a french fry, his eyes widening when he makes eye contact with Kei. Like he’d been caught doing something. There’s a variety show on the television.

“I’ll go shower really quickly! Um…” Yamaguchi pouts slightly, in a way he doesn’t usually. Maybe he’s not as sober as he’s putting on, Kei thinks for a second, but he dismisses the thought. He’s probably just tired. “You can look inside the bag if you want,” he says, gesturing to the plastic bag he’d gotten from the bakery that he left on top of the dresser.

Kei doesn’t need to look inside; he knows what’s inside. Yamaguchi’s predictable, when it comes to things like this. But he doesn’t feel like telling him that. “You don’t need to rush,” he says. “I’ll be here when you come out either way.”

Yamaguchi grins, pats him on the shoulder as he stands up. “You’re saying whole sentences now,” he says. “That’s what I wanted. But be careful while I’m in the bathroom.”

“I’ll do my best,” Kei says, knowing full well Yamaguchi knows he’s been mostly sober for a while. He takes a seat on the foot of the bed.

There’s a variety show playing on the television. Yamaguchi was probably watching it; at this time of night, especially after drinking, he loves mindless things like that. Kei thinks about lowering the volume – he doesn’t care about the weird game they’re making salarymen play while they’re hopping around on one foot – but it isn’t annoying him that much, anyway.

There’s something empty about this moment. Like after he hung up on the video calls he used to have with Yamaguchi where they’d drink together late at night until he realized the toll it was taking on his health. Or the mornings Yamaguchi flew to another part of the country. The train rides home from university, and his internship.

Kei can hear Yamaguchi in the shower. He thinks he’s hurrying, how short the periods of time are that the water’s running. It’s strange he’s noticed that. It’s stranger the alternative to these thoughts are melancholy.

Kei closes his eyes. Opens them. He stands up, picks up the plastic bag on the dresser, and peeks inside once he’s sitting down on the bed again. It’s exactly what he expected. A slice of strawberry shortcake. Yamaguchi’d been hiding it for no reason; every time they meet up, Yamaguchi buys him a piece of shortcake from somewhere new. It’s only a matter of weeks, Kei thinks, until he’s eaten shortcake from every bakery in Sendai.

There’s a tap on Kei’s shoulder, and when he turns, Yamaguchi is sitting at his side. His hair is dripping again. “Are you excited?” Yamaguchi asks. “Well, I know you probably expected it. But it’s supposed to be really good! At least, it’s what everyone who reviewed this place mentioned first. ‘Definitely try the shortcake!’ Like that!”

Yamaguchi looked it up. Like the restaurant they went to today. He’s so excited, Kei thinks. It’s so late at night. There’s something strange in his chest, like a weight. “That makes sense,” Kei says, his words maybe too slow but maybe the exactly correct speed for this time of night, “since their dango was nothing to write home about.”

Yamaguchi laughs, wholeheartedly. Kei wonders if he’s a little bit drunk. But he can usually tell if he is. “That dango was fine, Tsukki! You just don’t like dango.” He takes the back from Kei, puts the little paper box with cake inside on his lap and then drops a plastic fork on top of it. “Come on! Try it.”

Kei wants to kiss him.

He closes his eyes.

He’s not supposed to think things like that.

“Thank you, Yamaguchi,” Kei says as he opens the box. His tone is too sincere. It’s strange. Yamaguchi might notice.

“You haven’t even tried it yet,” Yamaguchi says, nudging him gently, and because of that. Because Yamaguchi’s so excited. Because he made sure to find him a way to get him shortcake in a prefecture that neither of them have ever been to before. Because Yamaguchi texts him every day whether or not he answers.

Kei takes a bite.

It’s good. It’s really good, even. Kei would put it in the top quartile of all the shortcake he’s ever eaten, the upper middle quartile of shortcake he’s ever received from Yamaguchi because Yamaguchi is so ridiculous he scopes out expensive bakeries before he shows up at Kei’s apartment if he’s been away too long.

“Well? What do you think?” he asks, and Kei thinks about saying it. _It’s good._ That would be enough for Yamaguchi, who can read Kei’s entire life in two words.

But it isn’t enough for Kei. Not right now. So Kei leans forward, places the box carefully on the table by the edge of the bed because he doesn’t want it to fall, doesn’t want the effort Yamaguchi put in to go to waste. And then he says, “Yamaguchi.”

“Huh?”

“What’s the real reason you asked me to come here with you?”

There’s a look in Yamaguchi’s eyes. It’s so late (even though the sky only just turned dark), and Kei is so tired (even though he woke up from a nap five hours ago) that he can’t describe the look any more than that. Understand it.

He’s surprised, Kei knows. But there’s something else, too.

“Tendou—”

“Yamaguchi,” Kei says, and it’s enough.

Yamaguchi rubs the back of his neck, avoids his eyes. “Man,” he says, “it’s just like yesterday. Nothing gets past you. But…”

Yamaguchi looks at him then. Kei doesn’t understand.

“But… just like you can read me, I can read you, Tsukki. I know. What you’ve been trying to do the last couple of months.” He swallows. “When you don’t answer my calls, or you end them after ten minutes, or you ignore my texts. When you… you tried to avoid meeting me, right? When I came back from Hokkaido. I…”

Kei remembers. There were bags underneath Yamaguchi’s eyes when they video-called. “You were tired,” he says. “You didn’t have that much time in Sendai, anyway. You needed the sleep.”

“That doesn’t explain why you started texting me back less and less. And…” Yamaguchi wipes his face with his sleeve. “Tsukki. Hinata texted me. He told me he was _worried_ about you. _Hinata_ …”

For the first time, Kei regrets the every-other-week meetups with their mutual friends that felt like the one thing other than Yamaguchi that got him through university and his internship. “You don’t have to babysit me,” he says. “I can take care of myself.”

“You’re not happy. With your stupid internship. With your stupid major. When we were kids, I used to think you’d do something really cool, like cure cancer or discover a new species of frog, and it always made me really proud to be your friend. That one day I’d get to brag about it.” Yamaguchi sniffs. “But instead you’re… you’re doing something you’ve never been interested in, and you’re trying to cut me off, and you’re _terrible_ at it!”

“You’re not proud to be my friend anymore.”

“Tsukki, I dragged you in front of hundreds of thousands of viewers, made you track down ghosts with me, made you say things on camera even though you hate being on camera, and you were amazing at it! They want you to stay on as my co-host! I told them you might! Of course I’m proud to be your friend,” Yamaguchi says, and there are tears streaming down his face now. “But it’s like you don’t want me to be. Like you’re afraid of giving me a reason to be. And now you don’t even want me to be your friend at all.”

Kei can remember. When things started falling into place for Yamaguchi. Or— he can’t, really. The weird internet job he got, that turned into a pitch, that turned into his own show, but that’s not really when it started.

It’s something before that. Some point in high school, or some point in university. Every person who’s ever met Yamaguchi who’s ever immediately been charmed by him. Or… when he met Yamaguchi the first time, when they were children, when he was immediately compelled to put a lasso around the moon and hand it to him.

“I’m not… enough to keep up with you. You outran me a long time ago, Yamaguchi,” he says. “It’s all I can do to stay in the same stratosphere. I couldn’t risk falling any further behind than I already have.”

Yamaguchi is speechless. Kei shouldn’t be saying the things he’s saying.

“But you’re waiting for me. It isn’t fair. I don’t want you to wait for me anymore.”

It’s silent, for a long time. For so long that Kei starts to wonder if his point got across, if Yamaguchi realizes that everything he did was for him. If he’s ready to accept. That’s the best case scenario, Kei knows, has gone over this dozens of times in his head. This is the only way Yamaguchi gets to be happy, how he deserves to be. That—

And then Yamaguchi wails.

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi cries, and then throws his arms around Kei’s neck, buries his face into his collarbone. “Tsukki, I knew it was something stupid like that!”

“What are you—”

“I tell everybody that my best friend is the smartest person in the world, but I was wrong because— because you’re the dumbest! I hate you, Tsukki!” he says, squeezing his arms tighter around him.

Something in Kei’s chest settles. The tension from before, the odd feeling. The weight he’s been carrying with him for months. Years. It dissipates.

He’s always been weak to Yamaguchi. He should have known. The kind of weakness no amount of logic could overcome.

“You have a terrible way of showing it,” he says.

Yamaguchi huffs against his collarbone. “Hey,” he says. “You’re not saying stupid stuff anymore because you understand, right? That even… even if you were as slow as you say, I’d wait for you no matter what. You can’t get rid of me.”

“Mm,” Kei says, and then pats him on the head. His hair is soft. It still smells like strawberries.

“Because you tried to cut me off and then you ended coming with me on a two-day all-expenses paid trip across the country!”

“The short way,” Kei points out, stroking his hair now. “Besides, I paid for breakfast.”

“And it was terrible!”

Kei pries Yamaguchi off of him, then, brushes his lips by his forehead when he does before he realizes it. He doesn’t think Yamaguchi realizes. “Let me eat the shortcake you worked so hard to bribe me with, Yamaguchi,” he says, reaching for the box again. “Is it true? You told them I might permanently co-host with you?”

“I wouldn’t lie.” Yamaguchi rubs the back of his neck. He’s still thinking about what Kei told him earlier. “Don’t… I want you to, but don’t say yes just because I want you to. It’s just… you seemed really happy, all of yesterday, and you were really good at it, and… if you stay on, you might get your own show, too. Like Tendou. You could do something science-y, or… maybe we could. Maybe we could disprove science hoaxes!”

“What’s a science hoax?” Kei asks as he plucks the strawberry off the top of the cake and pops it into his mouth.

“It’s… You like science, not me, Tsukki. Don’t make fun of me. It’s just… before, um… you’re not slow, you know? You’re the coolest person I know. Well, maybe until you started majoring in accounting. Then that became me! But… what I really mean is… you can do a lot of things! You could even make a career talking about weird animals all day, like you used to do when we were kids,” he says. “You don’t… You don’t need to give up on it, you know? All the things that used to make you happy. I’ll wait for you, even if you fail. Even if you don’t want me to.”

Kei thinks about it for a second, and then he says, “Okay.”

“Huh?”

“I’ll do the show.”

“That’s it?”

“Remember when you yelled at me about not being happy? God, Hinata noticed. I’m not that attached to accounting,” Kei points out. “Besides, it isn’t like this is a risky decision. You already have an audience.”

Yamaguchi opens his mouth just to smile really widely or in shock, and on a whim, Kei sticks a forkful of cake into it. “Tsukki,” he says, mouth full of food, and then he swallows. “You’re so weird. I’m gonna stop telling strangers how cool you are.”

“I hope you do.”

Yamaguchi grumbles, and then reaches for the french fries Kei bought him while he was tipsy. He makes a face after he takes a bite. “Cold,” he mutters to himself, and then stands up to put them in the microwave.

They eat in silence for a while after Yamaguchi sits on the bed again, reheated fries in hand, and then Kei says, “Yamaguchi, can I ask you something?”

“Hmm,” Yamaguchi says, eyeing him carefully. He doesn’t say anything else for about a minute.

“…Is the answer no?”

Yamaguchi laughs, grins at him. “Only if I get to ask you something, too.”

“Oh, unfortunately that’s a line I have to draw,” Kei says, and Yamaguchi smacks him in the shoulder.

“Just ask the question, jerk.”

Kei opens his mouth, and… the atmosphere is too casual. It’s a strange moment. But the thing that was weighing Kei down for years now is gone, and Yamaguchi is smiling next to him. “Why do you still believe in ghosts? You’ve gone all over the country now, and you haven’t met a single one.”

“You’re just a pessimist, Tsukki! We met one last night,” Yamaguchi says. “But to answer your question…”

Yamaguchi bites the inside of his lip. He doesn’t talk so long that Kei starts to hear the variety show playing in the background. “To answer my question…”

“Pass,” he says.

“I didn’t realize we were playing Twenty Questions.”

“I don’t think you can pass in Twenty Questions,” Yamaguchi points out. “It doesn’t matter, anyway, Tsukki.”

It’s strange, the way Yamaguchi’s acting. But Yamaguchi dealt with him the past few months. He’s allowed to act strange if he wants to. “Fine. What were you going to ask me?”

Yamaguchi stiffens. He looks at Kei, and then looks at the television, and then looks at his french fries. He picks one up carefully, like it might detonate.

“Don’t tell me you can’t answer that one either.”

“I just… don’t know if I should…” Yamaguchi mumbles to himself, like Kei isn’t even meant to hear it. “Okay!” He claps his hands together, takes a determined bite out of his french fry and swallows.

“Huh?”

“Tsukki, can I… can I…” Yamaguchi swallows. “Tsukki, I like you!”

Kei feels his cheeks heat up, and then realizes they shouldn’t, and then realizes he should’ve known at least since last night, at least since this morning. Wonders to himself what he thought he was doing. Why Yamaguchi let him be an idiot so long.

He looks at Yamaguchi. Freckled cheeks puffed up in determination.

“I didn’t hear a question,” Kei says.

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi’s eyebrows knit in overblown annoyance, which is _cute_ , and then they relax, slowly, turn into something like worry which is even cuter because he followed Yamaguchi all the way to Ojiji on a whim and he’s worried he doesn’t like him, and—

Kei takes the cake box from his lap and puts it on the table, takes the french fries from Yamaguchi’s hand and puts them on the table, and then tilts Yamaguchi’s chin up and presses their mouths together.

It’s simple, the way Yamaguchi tastes. Like salt, because he’d been eating french fries. He wonders if he tastes sweet to Yamaguchi, like the shortcake he researched on Welp before he did something as bold as give it to his best friend.

It makes sense, somehow. That when Yamaguchi kisses him it’s like this. The taste of salt, and the vague feeling of being swallowed whole.

When they part, they just stare at each other, faces inches away from each other, and Kei can see all of it, by the light of their terrible motel lamp. The freckles he’s always daydreamed about sitting there and counting, sprinkled across the bridge of his nose. The depth in his eyes that Kei’s always known but never let himself get lost in.

He doesn’t deserve it, Kei thinks. To see Yamaguchi this way. He’s gone over it over and over again, and the math never worked out. For someone like him to deserve Yamaguchi.

But waiting for him. Pulling him by the hand. Yamaguchi won’t ever stop.

Kei doesn’t deserve him. But he can try to.

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi whispers, something like awe in his voice, “can I kiss you?”

Kei feels the corners of his mouth turn up. What a ridiculous follow-up to _Why do you believe in ghosts?_

“No,” Kei says, pressing his mouth against Yamaguchi’s before he can complain.

👻

_“Tsukki?”_

_“Go to sleep, Yamaguchi.”_

_“I wanted to ask, um… Do you really not think ghosts are real?”_

_“Is that what’s keeping you up? How many times do I have to tell you? There’s no one in the world who’s ever been killed by a ghost. You’re not going to be the first person.”_

_“But even if they don’t kill people, they could still exist, right? Maybe they’re just minding their own business.”_

_“Is that scary to you? Ghosts minding their own business?”_

_“It’s not scary. I’ve just been thinking about it.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Well, I’ve been thinking… Even though I always do get really scared after we watch horror movies, I’ve decided I want them to be real.”_

_“Why? You want to meet a friendly one, like Jasper?”_

_“No. Or… maybe. I just… If ghosts are real, then I could be a ghost, later. And you could be a ghost, too, Tsukki.”_

_“What’s so great about that?”_

_“If we were both ghosts, we could haunt the same place. And we could spend every day like we did today! We wouldn’t even have to go to school.”_

_“It’d get boring eventually. That’s why the ghost always gets exorcised at the end. Because it’s better to move on.”_

_“Do you really think so?”_

_“I don’t know.”_

_“Hmm, well… I think if you were there, I’d never get bored! ‘Cause I have fun every day I’m with you now.”_

_“…”_

_“…”_

_“…I do, too.”_

_“Haaah… Did you say something, Tsukki?”_

_“Nothing. Go to sleep, Yamaguchi.”_

**Author's Note:**

> TW:
> 
> all potentially triggering scenes are preceded by TWO ghost emojis instead of one.
> 
> brief, non-graphic violence/torture mention  
> > murder, beating with a wooden sword, mild psychological torture -- first labeled scene
> 
> suicide mention  
> > one ghost dies by suicide -- first labeled scene  
> > references to seppuku -- second labeled scene
> 
> \---
> 
> thanks for reading! about the final scene -- if you read my other fics, i KNOW. i am now not allowed to end any other fic this way ever. i just really wanted it for this one 😭
> 
> the location of this fic is based on himeji castle! the ghost stories are all real, but i changed all the names around because i don't want to die.... i honestly did so much research for this fic that it is making me break out into hives that i am not currently linking a gdoc filled with APA citations. so thank you to wikipedia, japanese travel sites, and random horror blogs :''')
> 
> oh also, in case you're curious, tendou eventually goes on to host the show sweet ones where he interviews celebrities such as professional volleyball player ushijima wakatoshi and famous musician eita semi while they eat INCREASINGLY SWEET DESSERTS.
> 
> reminder to please send [liah](https://twitter.com/kristalijah) love if you can, and that i love you 💚💚💚  
> also, whether or not you liked the fic, please leave feedback if possible, here or on [twitter](https://twitter.com/jailsgrr/status/1319491798436294657) depending on what you prefer. i'd appreciate it a lot!! hope you have a great week :''')


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